Falling through fear

Fear of any sort is very capable of causing an adrenaline rush. Whether it’s a fear of failing in the exam tomorrow, the fear of missing a flight, or the fear of losing someone close to you, it makes us so much more alert, and every second lasts longer. In most cases, it is out of compulsion that we experience that fear. Seldom do we decide the dates for our examinations, or the flight timings. But with acrophobia (the official, extreme word for the fear of heights, resulting in panic attacks), you can mostly avoid having to deal with it. Skydiving is the scariest thing you can do if you have a fear of heights, and I am half of an acrophobic. I had to do it.

A friend told me about a skydiving trip being organized by an MNC (I don’t have the rights to mention any of their names). The deal: For three hundred dollars, you will be scared out of your wits. Who can say no that! The friend who suggested the trip to me has absolutely no fear of heights, and she knew I did. Three weeks was enough time to tell my friends how I wanted the funeral after the skydiving accident. Plans to max out my credit card by myself proved unsuccessful, although to be fair to my friends, I refused gracious offers from them to help me out in this regard. One day to go for the jump… and I realized the cost of the humor. Skydiving is a risky sport, but nowhere near as risky as I had portrayed it in the jokes. The fearful half of me took all the sleep with it, and I hadn’t slept for two days by the time I reached the skydiving center. The first shirt on display when I entered the skydiving center was titled “Skydiving Survivor”. I assumed that anyone who lived through the jump would definitely buy one. There were quite a few of those shirts still there… how risky is skydiving?

Meet Jon, the coolest guy in the world. He is an instructor at the center, and an excellent one at that. By the end of his briefing, I was only half-filled with fear. The automatic reserve parachute deployment system and his nonchalant references to the worst case scenarios calmed my nerves. Then came the batch listing, and I was in the second load (guess that is an appropriate name for a freaked out idiot clinging onto an experienced skydiver). The first load came down safely, and the announcer butchered my name. The acrophobic took over… this time worried if I will be able to remember the rudimentary instructions given by Jon. Basically, they were a set of actions which were meant to ensure that I don’t screw up the jump with any home-grown antics. Uh-oh! I have always been bad at following instructions, especially those by wiseacres. Jon didn’t know that.

In all the flights I had flown in till that day, I sat in a small seat without enough legroom, fastened a seat belt round my waist, a flight attendant blabbered some safety procedures, the cabin was pressurized and I knew I didn’t have to do anything myself in order to reach the ground safely. This flight was going to be different. Instead of the safety lecture, I got some simple instructions from Jon: I’ll strap myself to you at 6000 feet; put on your head gear at 14000 feet; and follow my instructions from the briefing… and it’ll be “fun”. Gulp! We reach 14000ft… andsuddenly, the first few acrobat skydivers disappeared into thin air, and I was now sitting less than five feet from an open door.

To understand the gravity (no pun intended) of the situation, it is necessary to state the basis for my fear. My fear of heights arises from the possibility that the ground beneath me may give up at anytime and hence, I might come crashing to the ground. As long as the structure beneath looks strong, the fear can be negated in most cases. I had to come up with a brand new theory to calm my fear about jumping from a plane into thin air. But all I could tell myself was what Jon said (God probably built this in, but just in case)… “always breathe”. There is one silver lining to the jump… you do not have much time to think before you are headed towards the ground at 120 mph. Once in the air, there is nothing much you can do about it, and you might as well enjoy it. And that’s exactly what I did.

Fear is the ultimate adrenaline generator, and when you feel that fear, you inevitably feel the excitement. At that point, you are not just falling through the clouds, you are falling through your fear, and right into the heart of excitement. This transition is priceless. I have never felt that level of excitement in my life, and probably never will again. I am so happy with the skydiving experience… never thought I could get myself to do it… but there I was, having the most fun ever. If you think is an exaggeration, you haven’t jumped from a plane yet!