NOSTRADAMUS AND I

Since the last time I have blogged, India has lost its last match in the WC. And the millionaire posters have turned into bisexual ones. And I have broken my promise… I cursed them the moment Murali caught Rahul in the deep. And haven’t stopped ever since. Being a passionate cricket fan, and till recently, a believer in the Indian cricket team, I was completely disappointed. There is one not-so-welcome outcome of the very-famous Natwest victory. There is one thread of hope which refuses to give up, until Sreesanth is back in the pavilion.

As I write this, I am listening to a few of the best songs in the recent past… Yeh honsla (Dor) , Ajnabee shehar (Jaaneman), Rozana (Nishabd).

When I think of this exit, and its subsequent repercussions, I can’t help but imagine, HOW COME NO ONE ANTICIPATED THIS? It is very easy understand the poor little Indian fan who has all his emotions resting on the shoulders of 11 people whose credentials, besides cricket, are quite suspect. It is very easy to understand why the media hyped the team of 11/(1 billion) brains. + 1 Australian one. But how did the companies miss it? How is it that the companies stand to lose around 2 billion rupees, (initial estimates). Well, that is quite a mystery. But what is a bigger mystery, and probably the least quoted is how the greatest one of them all, Nostradamus, never wrote about this wonderful game? When one-sixth of the humanity is held in the grasp of a few men, how did Nostradamus miss this phenomenon and its outcome? I haven’t read any interpretations of his writings from the Indian cricket’s perspective. And I think I know the reason for the “apparent” gap in the “future portrait”. I am sure he would’ve had this on his mind, but did not put it on paper, for fear of being maligned. It’s not easy to predict the Indian team’s fortunes from a month away from the WC, leave alone a few centuries. J

Well, now that the demi-gods are descending on our mortal land, what do we do about them? Shall we get them to work as mortals as a punishment? Or shall we condemn them to hell? Or shall we change the system? I have a few suggestions here which can work. We can always use diversity to our advantage. Team diversity. More teams, more chances of winning. Let BCCI select some of the really good cricketers around now, and make them into a team. Let it also add the ones with “senior recos” into other teams. The identity of the really talented team is kept secret for political and economic reasons! J That would work. That way, everyone can find a cricketer to throw their old shoes at, and more posters to deface. And, even if one of them wins, we can feel that “hum lade bhi… aur jeete bhi”! After all, it is not fair for 1 billion to show their anger on 11 + 1 men.

My second suggestion is even more radical and wouldn’t require so many teams. It would assure us of victories in every match. Here, I take a leaf out of the government’s think tank. The government has made it mandatory for all the channels to share their feed for matches involving India. Why doesn’t the government make it mandatory for all bookies to bet on India? That way, the bookies would do all the “coaxing” and “bring the best” out of the cricketers. Put in another way, “they would pray loud enough so that the demi-gods can hear and be forced to answer them”. And, the bookies get a tax holiday and a swiss account as freebies. Howz that? Think they can be paid consultancy fees from the Fringe Benefit Tax accruals? J

Well, I believe in God. And I believe he poses the challenges in our lives. This would be the first time, when we would force the gods (read cricketers) to answer our prayers.

The two teams and one funeral

If Paris Hilton ever suffered from lack of attention, she should get herself hooked onto to the Indian cricket team. She may not be able to play cricket (well, not as well as Bangladesh atleast!), but she can be "seen" with a cricketer. And thats not such a bad idea, since Mr. John isn't really the flavor of this month.

The Indian cricket team is the most adored, and alternately hated, team in the world. They grab more column inches in most sections of the paper (forget sports, the page 3 and biz journos live off them). And when such demi-gods lose to our neighbouring mortals, the reactions are, quite obviously, very strong. Strong enough to "demolish a house under-construction". The effigy-burning is quite a common phenomenon by now, and so, the news channels don't really bother covering them. In these situations, the country is split in two. One half of them believe that the team would do better to take the next flight back home. The other, probably influenced by the "ladega toh jeetega" campaign, believe that India should fight back. For the cricketers, I guess all this makes little difference because they were butchered nano-seconds are the loss.

Whether the cricketers should be kept under such tight scrutiny and whether cricket is over-hyped is a question which is nearing the end of its time. I think the media has sucked all the money it can from the question. But there is another aspect of reporting, which carries an implicit message. That there are two teams when India talks about cricket. Not one.. but two! The other being our very fervent, lost-to-us-in-all-world-cup-matches neighbour.

On saturday night, the top two stories of the news generated mixed reactions. The first about India's defeat to Bangladesh. The second about Pakistan's exit from the world cup, thanks to the one-day-wonder Ireland. The Irish announced their arrival on the international scene with a big-bang win over Pakistan.

Indians therefore had two things on their mind. India's loss, which meant that India may return without even entering the second round. Pakistan's exit, which in some convoluted minds (like mine) meant that India had after beaten Pakistan to the post. India may well return, but Pakistan returns earlier! A small consolation, you may think, but in India, its a big prize. My condolences to the advertisers if India does come back before next weekend.

In all this commotion, there was a tragedy which put all the events in a different perspective. The death of the Pakistani coach, Bob Woolmer, who was widely regarded as the pioneer of modern coaching techniques. That filled me with (a shock to begin with, and) a sadness which overshadowed everything else. I hope this world cup does not claim any more victims. It simply isn't worth it.

I always like to end on a happy note, but I think it is impossible to do so for this article. I hope India reaches the second round, and wins the world cup. Thats a hope, with a rider. Even if we don't win one more match in this world cup, I..... wouldn't blame any of the cricketers.

The love-hate relationship

Irony is the taste of life. Don't really know if thats an original, but that does fit into the current article very well.
How often do we find that the biggest ironies come in real life, and go quite un-noticed by most of us? Quite often, actually. And this is one of those instances.

What is the first song you heard on radio when you are in a traffic jam? The traffic jam is probably the most confined place in the world! I assure you, it is the one place in the world you can't run out of. And, its the one thing which you have go through if you live in any place with a population greater than... well, in India, you can have a traffic jam even in the loneliest of junctions. And thats not a contradiction. So, now that we are in the greatest place in the world, we would like to make our lives a little worse. And the radio is the only companion, besides the sweat and the humming AC. And there you have it... the one song you never wanted to hear, the one song which everyone in India knows but wish they didn't, the one song which ostracizes its patrons. Its a song with a very deep nasal trademark. Its one of a million, the rest 999,999 songs playing on the other stations. Its a Reshmmiya song.

I would like to think that the world hates the songs, because poor HR is the punching bag for any journo who can't make up the lines for the page 3 script. But that isn't quite the case. It definitely isn't. Because as you surf thru the channels, all that you find is the one trademark voice, the trademark background music... well, even the copyleft pain!

And thats my point. How come the media criticizes a singer who rules the airwaves? and whose pics are on the telly more often than our prime minister (not Sonia!) Manmohan, albeit with a cap always! Its quite an irony that an apparent "idol", is rubbished by the very popular media, and still retains his status, at the least! One of the million ironies in India... "we love to hate HR" or... "we hate to love HR"?

What was I doing when I heard HR's songs on my radio, well, i turned the radio off, and listened to my iPod, which btw, has no HR songs. :)