NOSTRADAMUS AND I

Since the last time I have blogged, India has lost its last match in the WC. And the millionaire posters have turned into bisexual ones. And I have broken my promise… I cursed them the moment Murali caught Rahul in the deep. And haven’t stopped ever since. Being a passionate cricket fan, and till recently, a believer in the Indian cricket team, I was completely disappointed. There is one not-so-welcome outcome of the very-famous Natwest victory. There is one thread of hope which refuses to give up, until Sreesanth is back in the pavilion.

As I write this, I am listening to a few of the best songs in the recent past… Yeh honsla (Dor) , Ajnabee shehar (Jaaneman), Rozana (Nishabd).

When I think of this exit, and its subsequent repercussions, I can’t help but imagine, HOW COME NO ONE ANTICIPATED THIS? It is very easy understand the poor little Indian fan who has all his emotions resting on the shoulders of 11 people whose credentials, besides cricket, are quite suspect. It is very easy to understand why the media hyped the team of 11/(1 billion) brains. + 1 Australian one. But how did the companies miss it? How is it that the companies stand to lose around 2 billion rupees, (initial estimates). Well, that is quite a mystery. But what is a bigger mystery, and probably the least quoted is how the greatest one of them all, Nostradamus, never wrote about this wonderful game? When one-sixth of the humanity is held in the grasp of a few men, how did Nostradamus miss this phenomenon and its outcome? I haven’t read any interpretations of his writings from the Indian cricket’s perspective. And I think I know the reason for the “apparent” gap in the “future portrait”. I am sure he would’ve had this on his mind, but did not put it on paper, for fear of being maligned. It’s not easy to predict the Indian team’s fortunes from a month away from the WC, leave alone a few centuries. J

Well, now that the demi-gods are descending on our mortal land, what do we do about them? Shall we get them to work as mortals as a punishment? Or shall we condemn them to hell? Or shall we change the system? I have a few suggestions here which can work. We can always use diversity to our advantage. Team diversity. More teams, more chances of winning. Let BCCI select some of the really good cricketers around now, and make them into a team. Let it also add the ones with “senior recos” into other teams. The identity of the really talented team is kept secret for political and economic reasons! J That would work. That way, everyone can find a cricketer to throw their old shoes at, and more posters to deface. And, even if one of them wins, we can feel that “hum lade bhi… aur jeete bhi”! After all, it is not fair for 1 billion to show their anger on 11 + 1 men.

My second suggestion is even more radical and wouldn’t require so many teams. It would assure us of victories in every match. Here, I take a leaf out of the government’s think tank. The government has made it mandatory for all the channels to share their feed for matches involving India. Why doesn’t the government make it mandatory for all bookies to bet on India? That way, the bookies would do all the “coaxing” and “bring the best” out of the cricketers. Put in another way, “they would pray loud enough so that the demi-gods can hear and be forced to answer them”. And, the bookies get a tax holiday and a swiss account as freebies. Howz that? Think they can be paid consultancy fees from the Fringe Benefit Tax accruals? J

Well, I believe in God. And I believe he poses the challenges in our lives. This would be the first time, when we would force the gods (read cricketers) to answer our prayers.